Is this thing on?

Hello to my faithful readers:

I can't believe I've waited more than a year to post anything on this blog.  My apologies for such a long break, but hey I've felt that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all - life gets in the way.

I finally landed a job. I moved back to NYC and I didn't make such a big deal about it.  I think there are quite a few people who don't even realize I'm back in town nearly a year  two years after the fact.  I have also realized that it's quite easy to slip back into the rat race.  The past two years  for me have been ones that I haven't felt like sharing because I couldn't find the words.  I'm still not sure the words have been found, but here's my first stab at trying to share a bit of my journey.

Why didn't I make a big deal out of moving back or even getting a new job?  Coming back to NYC wasn't in the plans. I didn't want to come back to the big apple after my year in Belgium.   I still wanted something different.  But things didn't work out that way, bills had to be paid and this was the door open in front of me so I walked right on through it.

This past year I have spent an awful lot of time in my head.  I'm still processing the past two years.  I'm still not sure I know what to make of it all.  I recognize that my attitude has been half committed as evidenced by the fact that I still haven't fully furnished my apartment (after living here for nearly 2 years).   Six-year old me doesn't like to cook (grubhub is her BEST friend) and she really LOVES her junk food.

This year I've spent a lot of time frustrated with some of the choices I made.  I have to keep it real - I was getting caught up in the comparison game and when I looked around at some of my peers I felt like I wasn't stacking up.  Even though I own up to the fact that it was "ME" that made all of the choices - many of them left me with the feeling you get after going out on a few dates with a great guy who then stops calling you back because he got what he wanted because you gave it up too easy.  That's how I spent the first half of last year (2012) - feeling like I was just too easy!

The biggest challenge I face right now is not squandering my potential.  That's my struggle.   My inner voice keeps chanting "don't give up, don't give in - you can do this," but there are some days where my faith feels so far away.   It came to me a few months ago that this past year (and many times my relationship with God) has been like trying to reach orgasm.  Sometimes you have lots of fun trying to get there, but it takes the right set of circumstances, the right person to get you off.  But more often than not, when you don't get there you can end up very frustrated (and perhaps even a bit angry that you've wasted your time).

But after the frustration - perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel...I'm finally starting to see the light.  Slowly.  I see the light.  So for now I'll sign off, but not with out saying as always - thanks for reading!

Mwuah,

Georgia Peach

PS - this is something I've written about a year ago and didn't publish at the time.